Hi, I’m Ythan. Don’t let my mild mannered appearance fool you, because I have incredible abilities. I can create complex web sites from nothing, using only my mind and a computer. I can beat Super Mario Bros. in 10 minutes, without dying. My lungs emerge victorious from every encounter with combusted plant matter. I have immersive 3D vision, and stereo listening capabilities. The greatest thing about me is how I can sleep for 12 hours without getting up to pee. I am also able to defy gravity for short periods of time, by utilizing my muscles. You probably wish you could be me, but these great powers come at a terrible price. I have no sense of direction. Nutrients go straight to my brain and eyeballs, leaving me skinny and lank. And in the deepest pit of my soul lurks a dark and bottomless void, threatening my very being with a fiery inner apocalypse of sorrow, agony and dementia. I’ve named him Herbert and together we will rule the world.

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